It went from 125 on 9dp5dt to 354 on 11dp5dt!!! That's a doubling time of 32 hours! I really couldn't believe it when I read the results. I was stunned.
I am trying extremely hard to maintain my expectations. I know that really anything could happen at this point and I don't want to get overly excited about something that could so easily and quickly be taken away from me.
I want this baby (or babies) so badly. This is all I have ever wanted and I am so close to it I can see it. But what if I lose them again? What if I have to go through all the pain and sadness again. Can we handle that? I wish there was someway that I could know ahead of time which way this was going to go so that I could prepare myself. I wish I could have some control over this but of course I know this is out of my hands.
How will I get through the next couple of weeks until the first ultrasound? Its going to be so hard not knowing if everything is going well in there. I forget how I passed the time the last time.
Yesterday (11dp5dt) and today (12dp5dt) I have still been feeling pulls down in my uterus. Primarily it has been over on the right side which is different because I typically felt most sensations on my left side previously, but I will take what I can get. I hope this means that they are growing. Other than that I haven't had any symptoms really. My boobs have not been sore, although I have been pushing against them so much to see if they are sore I am surprised that they aren't by now. I never thought I would say this but I wish I was nauseous. If I were nauseous, I would at least know that something is going on in me. The lack of symptoms is worse than actually having them (or at least that is what I imagine).
So now I will try to fill my time with anything that will make the days go by more quickly and try to trust in the fact that everything is going according to plan and in 9 months I will give birth to our baby and all of my dreams come true.
Easier said than done.
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