This is the story of girl.......

Hi there,

I am coming into this blogging thing a little late in the game as I am already 2 days into the ridiculously stressful, want to pull your hair out, driving everyone around me crazy, spending too much money on home pregnancy tests (HPT) two week wait.

I never thought in a million years that when I grew up, my favorite past time would be urinating on a small instrument that would so greatly affect my life, but here we are. I take that back, its not my favorite past time, but its something I do compulsively. My biggest hopes and dreams lie within the result of that small piece of plastic and I have realized throughout my IVF journey that I love nothing more than to torture myself by using them. I am a masochist.

So I will take you along on my journey and hopefully when you read this you: a) don't completely judge me for my lack of self control; b) realize that I use humor/sarcasm/inappropriateness to deal with the bullshit that is infertility; and c)....and this is the most important one, don't feel alone. The worst part about going through this is not having someone to talk to who truly knows what if feels like. My friends are all fabulous and talk with me endlessly about it but they never know the right thing to say; because there is no right thing to say and unless you have gone through this yourself, you don't get that.

My mom's nurturing instinct always kicks in and she says, "don't worry, it is going to happen, you will have a baby". She is doing and saying what she truly believes and I love her for that but instead sometimes all you want to hear is, "That fucking sucks!" (which I don't believe can physically come out of her mouth).

With that being said, I do have to mention that I am not as dark, scary or pessimistic as I appear to me in the above paragraphs, I am very hopeful and cautiously optimistic that one day my lifelong dream of being a mother will come true. Despite the tears I shed almost daily (shout out to my husband [HB] for dealing with such a hot mess) I am a strong women who has the determination to make my dreams come true. One day I will hold our baby in my arms.