4dp6dt

Today has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. This cycle by far is already the cycle where I have tested the most. Yikes. I thought since this was my 5th cycle....7th transfer. I would be alittle more cool and collected. Nothing has been farther from the truth.


Last night at 3dp6dt I had a positive on a FRER.....super exciting until this morning when I tested and the line was much lighter....cue the dramatics. Internal dramatics, mind you. I haven't told HB I have been testing, I haven't talked to my sister or my friends about it. I don't want to jinx anything so I have said nothing at all.


I did a total of six tests today. I can't even imagine the amount of money I have spent on hpts. It's unreal. Thank goodness for FSA so at least it's not taxed. Ultimately I am cautiously optimistic with the outcome. The tests from 7:00pm yesterday to 8:30pm today are both positive and appear to be getting darker, or pretty close to it.

It looks like I am pregnant!! I don't even know what to do with this information. This is the first time I have been the one to hold this knowledge on my own and I like that. This cycle has been my journey, the further realization of my dreams. It has been a battle leading up to it. Fighting with HB about whether we would have another baby or not, convincing him, fighting my body, endless drives back and forth to San Francisco, working with a new clinic, wishing for quality eggs, hoping those eggs make it to day 3 and then day 5. Pleading that those two embryos would come back chromosomally normal, and finding out while caring for my dying father that one  of them was days before he passed. Being able to have one of the last things I told him was that we were likely going to be able to give him another grandbaby and seeing the smile on his face.  This cycle, my 5th, is for me and I and worked so hard for it, on so many levels and I fucking deserve it.


I am still terrified of a chemical pregnancy, or that this baby won't make it. But for right now, in this moment, I am pregnant and that's pretty awesome.


Symptoms:
Today I have had mild cramping all day with leg cramps (thighs and calves sometimes). I feel what I can only describe as pressure in my uterus and have been feeling pulls in my uterus on and off. Maybe an occasional pinch.


This is my first natural cycle so I am hoping all of these symptoms are a good thing. At least I know none of these things that I am feeling are because of the progesterone.


I guess that's it for now. I wonder how many sticks I will pee on tomorrow???

2DP6DT

Feeling a bit low today. That is what happens when you get inside of your head the way that I always do. I haven't felt any symptoms yet. No twinges, no zings, no cervix pain, no nothing. So I am feeling like it isn't looking very good. At this point during the Coconut's pregnancy I was feeling all sorts of things so I am feeling like this may not be successful :( I may have felt some period like cramping....light....MAYBE, but it could all just be in my head too. That's likely the situation.


Logically, a hatched embryo would take less time to implant because it is already out of its shell so I think I should be feeling something by now, as soon as it may seem. Logically, it makes sense that I would, right?


I have been trying to test out the trigger. I think it is pretty much gone, I see the faintest of lines....real squinter so I am hoping its either gone by tomorrow or darker to indicate pregnancy, but we all know that it's too soon for that, but logic heads straight out of the window during the two week wait.


I am begging for some symptoms, some sort of indicator that this is working and that my little raspberry is snuggled in tight.


Today when I was getting things together for my dad's memorial/obsessing over the raspberry.....a little ladybug walked right up to me on my kitchen bar. I am taking it as some sort of sign that every thing is going to be ok and that luck is on our side.


Here's to hoping.....

New Clinic, New Hope, 1DP6DT

Yesterday I had my semi-natural FET at Spring Fertility, my new and very fabulous clinic. I say semi-natural because we did end up having to trigger with 250mg Ovidrel but other than that I have taken no meds, which is super weird for me because I was so dependent on my progesterone for the Coconut's cycle, it almost seems wrong not to use it this time. But I am trusting the very smart doctors I have in my corner.

The last two transfers I had were under anesthesia because the doctors at my former clinic (PFC) could not easily navigate my cervix and multiple times had to use a tenaculm to finally get the catheter to go in after approximately 20 mins of poking and prodding.....not super fun. This was painful and traumatic and from what I have heard, the more difficult the transfer, the harder it is to get a positive results. I am sure that is not always true but it's not very encouraging to hear after such hard transfers.

Luckily for me, this time was a breeze. My doctor (Dr. Tran), was able to easily get the catheter in, the only pain I felt was from the ultrasound pressed against my overly full bladder, but even that was short lived. I really couldn't of asked for a better transfer. I am feeling very fortunate.

So now the waiting begins. I tested yesterday to see if the trigger is still in my system. It is, so I suppose I will HAVE to continue to test it out ;) Hopefully it's out soon so the real crazy can begin! I live to pee on sticks.

It's already hard to think of anything else and we are only on day one. I am wishing and hoping to feel some sort of symptom, twinge, zing, cramp, anything. But there is nothing yet.

Here it is! My little Raspberry <3. It is a 6BA meaning it is fully hatched out of it's shell and is good quality. I'll be thinking happy thoughts and would appreciate any positive vibes that can be sent my way!