4dp6dt

Today has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. This cycle by far is already the cycle where I have tested the most. Yikes. I thought since this was my 5th cycle....7th transfer. I would be alittle more cool and collected. Nothing has been farther from the truth.


Last night at 3dp6dt I had a positive on a FRER.....super exciting until this morning when I tested and the line was much lighter....cue the dramatics. Internal dramatics, mind you. I haven't told HB I have been testing, I haven't talked to my sister or my friends about it. I don't want to jinx anything so I have said nothing at all.


I did a total of six tests today. I can't even imagine the amount of money I have spent on hpts. It's unreal. Thank goodness for FSA so at least it's not taxed. Ultimately I am cautiously optimistic with the outcome. The tests from 7:00pm yesterday to 8:30pm today are both positive and appear to be getting darker, or pretty close to it.

It looks like I am pregnant!! I don't even know what to do with this information. This is the first time I have been the one to hold this knowledge on my own and I like that. This cycle has been my journey, the further realization of my dreams. It has been a battle leading up to it. Fighting with HB about whether we would have another baby or not, convincing him, fighting my body, endless drives back and forth to San Francisco, working with a new clinic, wishing for quality eggs, hoping those eggs make it to day 3 and then day 5. Pleading that those two embryos would come back chromosomally normal, and finding out while caring for my dying father that one  of them was days before he passed. Being able to have one of the last things I told him was that we were likely going to be able to give him another grandbaby and seeing the smile on his face.  This cycle, my 5th, is for me and I and worked so hard for it, on so many levels and I fucking deserve it.


I am still terrified of a chemical pregnancy, or that this baby won't make it. But for right now, in this moment, I am pregnant and that's pretty awesome.


Symptoms:
Today I have had mild cramping all day with leg cramps (thighs and calves sometimes). I feel what I can only describe as pressure in my uterus and have been feeling pulls in my uterus on and off. Maybe an occasional pinch.


This is my first natural cycle so I am hoping all of these symptoms are a good thing. At least I know none of these things that I am feeling are because of the progesterone.


I guess that's it for now. I wonder how many sticks I will pee on tomorrow???