Realization

Now that HB and I are on the same page and are moving forward with another round of IVF, I am finding myself in a place that I haven't been in a while......nervous. Now that I have gotten past the unexpected and heartbreaking hurdle of semi-convincing my husband to have another child with me (or at least try), I have realized that now I am faced with the even scarier prospect of not being able to get pregnant again through this next (and final) round of IVF. This is it. I promised HB that this the last try, but what if it doesn't work? What do I do then? I am so incredibly lucky to have to Coconut, having another child would be an incredible bonus, however, I am realizing more and more now that it is a bonus that I need. There is a lot riding on this one round of IVF. It took us three rounds to get the Coconut. Will I be lucky enough to have it work two cycles in a row?

It's becoming more and more real now as I am scheduling appointments at my clinic. I  think about the prospect of holding another sweet baby in my arms and it is something I imagine that will weigh heavily on me until I either a) become pregnant or b) exhaust all of the embryos of this next cycle (and the one we currently have on ice). This is something I will have to work on throughout this process. I will need to work through the anxiety and the stress and somehow learn to accept  whatever happens, will happen and just do the best I can along the way. This will not come easily but I am starting this practice of acceptance now. I need to be prepared for the worst, and will always continue to hope for the best.