4dp6dt

Today has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. This cycle by far is already the cycle where I have tested the most. Yikes. I thought since this was my 5th cycle....7th transfer. I would be alittle more cool and collected. Nothing has been farther from the truth.


Last night at 3dp6dt I had a positive on a FRER.....super exciting until this morning when I tested and the line was much lighter....cue the dramatics. Internal dramatics, mind you. I haven't told HB I have been testing, I haven't talked to my sister or my friends about it. I don't want to jinx anything so I have said nothing at all.


I did a total of six tests today. I can't even imagine the amount of money I have spent on hpts. It's unreal. Thank goodness for FSA so at least it's not taxed. Ultimately I am cautiously optimistic with the outcome. The tests from 7:00pm yesterday to 8:30pm today are both positive and appear to be getting darker, or pretty close to it.

It looks like I am pregnant!! I don't even know what to do with this information. This is the first time I have been the one to hold this knowledge on my own and I like that. This cycle has been my journey, the further realization of my dreams. It has been a battle leading up to it. Fighting with HB about whether we would have another baby or not, convincing him, fighting my body, endless drives back and forth to San Francisco, working with a new clinic, wishing for quality eggs, hoping those eggs make it to day 3 and then day 5. Pleading that those two embryos would come back chromosomally normal, and finding out while caring for my dying father that one  of them was days before he passed. Being able to have one of the last things I told him was that we were likely going to be able to give him another grandbaby and seeing the smile on his face.  This cycle, my 5th, is for me and I and worked so hard for it, on so many levels and I fucking deserve it.


I am still terrified of a chemical pregnancy, or that this baby won't make it. But for right now, in this moment, I am pregnant and that's pretty awesome.


Symptoms:
Today I have had mild cramping all day with leg cramps (thighs and calves sometimes). I feel what I can only describe as pressure in my uterus and have been feeling pulls in my uterus on and off. Maybe an occasional pinch.


This is my first natural cycle so I am hoping all of these symptoms are a good thing. At least I know none of these things that I am feeling are because of the progesterone.


I guess that's it for now. I wonder how many sticks I will pee on tomorrow???

New Clinic, New Hope, 1DP6DT

Yesterday I had my semi-natural FET at Spring Fertility, my new and very fabulous clinic. I say semi-natural because we did end up having to trigger with 250mg Ovidrel but other than that I have taken no meds, which is super weird for me because I was so dependent on my progesterone for the Coconut's cycle, it almost seems wrong not to use it this time. But I am trusting the very smart doctors I have in my corner.

The last two transfers I had were under anesthesia because the doctors at my former clinic (PFC) could not easily navigate my cervix and multiple times had to use a tenaculm to finally get the catheter to go in after approximately 20 mins of poking and prodding.....not super fun. This was painful and traumatic and from what I have heard, the more difficult the transfer, the harder it is to get a positive results. I am sure that is not always true but it's not very encouraging to hear after such hard transfers.

Luckily for me, this time was a breeze. My doctor (Dr. Tran), was able to easily get the catheter in, the only pain I felt was from the ultrasound pressed against my overly full bladder, but even that was short lived. I really couldn't of asked for a better transfer. I am feeling very fortunate.

So now the waiting begins. I tested yesterday to see if the trigger is still in my system. It is, so I suppose I will HAVE to continue to test it out ;) Hopefully it's out soon so the real crazy can begin! I live to pee on sticks.

It's already hard to think of anything else and we are only on day one. I am wishing and hoping to feel some sort of symptom, twinge, zing, cramp, anything. But there is nothing yet.

Here it is! My little Raspberry <3. It is a 6BA meaning it is fully hatched out of it's shell and is good quality. I'll be thinking happy thoughts and would appreciate any positive vibes that can be sent my way!

Recap & 2dp3dt

RECAP SINCE LAST POST:
Unfortunately the last embryo we had (the one from 2015) was no good. I was able to have Natera test it up front with the expectation they would test embryos from our next cycle as well in a process they used to call batching. It was great they were willing to test this one ahead of time because it took the guess work out of what steps we should take next (i.e. FET or fresh cycle). So, long story short, we found out the little guy we had frozen was no bueno - not chromosomally sound. This news was hard to take, but luckily for me I have become a bit numb to these types of things so I was able to pull my head up and start making plans for the next cycle of IVF.....#4 to be exact.

Since the beginning of the year I have done two cleanses and have been doing my best to be as healthy as possible. Gluten-free, dairy-free, no sugar (ish), no alcohol (ish), no caffeine. So hopefully this next round will be successful. I feel as though I have been doing everything on my end to help the process to hopefully grow really healthy follicles. Likely this will be my last cycle and I wanted to make sure I did everything in my power to help the outcome......if that kind of stuff really even does help. I have also be walking more and trying to get myself moving.

I started at the beginning of July: trips to SF, injections, stress......its amazing how quickly all of that stuff comes back to you. Just like that I was taken back to 2015.....IVF is kind like riding a bike. Only now, instead of just worrying about myself I am chasing around the Coconut, worrying about how I will do my injections with her running around, ensuring I have child care for the roundtrips for monitoring appointments and trying to spend time with my family (which includes my 12 step-daughter who has no idea this is going on, and likely wouldn't be too stoked on the idea of yet another sibling - her mom and I were pregnant at the same time and ended up giving birth within 5 fives of each other).

We three previous cycles under my belt I had readjusted my expectations of how I would respond to the stims. Like all of the cycles before I went 15 days of stims. Much longer than the average infertile (lucky me) - but that ok. Like I said - expectation were adjusted. It was looking like there were about 7-8 follicles that would grown to the right size. This is less then previous cycles, but still decent as far as I was concerned. I went in the ER fairly confident things were going to go well, only to find out they were only about to retrieve 5. A lousy 5. Just when I think  I know what to expect, life changes it up for me. What's worst is that only 2 fertilized properly!!! I was spoiled in my previous cycle to have 100% fertilization rate so I was floor to see that only have fertilized. From there, it wasn't looking good.....so my RE recommended we do a day 3 transfer if either of the embryos made it. So I anxiously waited for a call from the lab on day three and was luckily surprised to find out that both are graded 1 (the best) - one was six cells , one was 8. It was go time.

I drove up to SF, was put under anesthesia. This was the second time we did this for  a transfer. The first time was the Coconut's transfer. I think it is the best choice given the complexity of how transfers have gone for me in the past. Easy for me, easy for the doctor to navigate through my completely messed up insides. I woke up and was told everything went great. In face, by the time they transferred the embryos, the 6-cell had turned into 8! I had on-site acupuncture both before and after the procedure right in the same bed the transfer happened. I didn't have to move, which I liked. I know its absolutely crazy but I don't want the embryos slipping out or anything :).

So now here we are 2dp3dt. I tried to say that I wasn't going to obsessively POAS but then I found myself at the Dollar Tree today purchasing 20 test....oops. I plan on testing out the trigger and then seeing what happens. What's hard about  a day three transfer is that you have to wait even LONGER to get a positive result......so not fair. But then again, when has anything been "fair" in this process?

I don't think I feel any symptoms, which I think is about right at this point. However, I did feel a quick sharp-ish cramp/pain down around my cervix and I don't know if I am making it up in my head or not but it feels like I am starting to get alittle crampy....even a small amount of right leg cramps. Its probs all in my head....lets be real.

I don't know what I think just yet. I don't know if I think I am going to become pregnant from this cycle or not. What I do know at this point is that it is going to be a really long two weeks.